Capital

Distance loving………..

Long distance relationships are about as effective as long distance education -pretty much useless. By the way, it really is not so much about the distance as it is about the length of time a couple stay apart. A few months or even half a year should not be a problem for a couple with a strong attachment. Anything more- say a year or longer puts a lot of stress on the relationship and few will survive such extended periods of separation.
Generally, when a partner leaves the country, he or she would not imagine they would ever fall in love again in the new country - so strong is their conviction that they can hold on to their love for the guy/gal that tearfully saw them off at Bole International - or up to some frontier as it used to be back in the day.
Of course, I can not and should not be so categorical - I guess there are sweet stories of the girl/guy waiting patiently for years upon years until his or her sweetheart finally joins them or until they have saved enough money to return home and get married. However, I must say that such a scenario is more common these days in the plots of hundreds of some rather good home movies that somehow pass for the real thing (but that's another issue altogether).
Among the factors that contribute to the high rate of breakups among couples who live apart for an extended period, is the low awareness most Ethiopians have of what to expect when living abroad. Life in Ethiopia hardly prepares us well to be global citizens. The attractions and temptations of more open (usually) societies and the newfound sense of individual freedom in socially liberal environments, induces profound changes in personality. The Ethiopian abroad undergoes a radical transformation and attains a virtual second personality.
The longer this person stays in the new country, the more dominant becomes the new personality. Values are re-examined - to be adjusted or discarded. Relationships naturally, are scrutinized from the perspective that distance provides.
Though the reasons may differ, the partner remaining behind also undergoes a considerable change in outlook, general behavior and social interaction. Here too, distance provides the person with time and space to mentally scroll through the entire relationship. This results in re-interpretations of the image of self and of the departed partner.
There is also the third person dimension - much more in play in regard to the partner that has remained behind. The third person includes family members friends and acquaintances of both partners. Their input (if it can be could be called as such) is usually negative and plays on the lonliness of the love sick person.

Do long distance
relationships work?

I wouldn’t declare all long distance relationships as doomed to fail. However, it is very difficult to maintain the same intensity of love when a couple are separated by thousands of kilometers. It is hard enough keeping up a relationship even when we are in the same house let alone in different countries.

Melkam Sera, 41
Dear Johnletter victim

I agree that the chances of a long distance relationship surviving are slim but I also feel it is a golden opportunity to really put mutual promises to the test. A love that endures despite distance and time apart, will be a love that will survive forever.

Sisay Degu, 33
Between jobs

I know a couple that have what you would call a dysfunctional relationship because the husband is a way for several months a year. This has put a terrible strain on an otherwise nearly perfect union.

Melakeselam, 28

It is hard to say that long distance relationships fail, no matter how long the couple stays apart. It can depend on the means and on how well they keep in touch Also, the frequency with which they refresh their love. But it is for sure that it costs a lot to maintain the love .

Million Gebremedhin, 30
Businessperson