Capital

"Don't criticize me!"

Do we like criticism? Not really. As a matter of fact, some of us do a lot to cover our weaknesses. It is not that nice to be criticized, to be told we have failed in something, to have someone else say we are wrong in something. Psychologists would say that our actions are affected by the approval motive: we care what others think of us and therefore we do things that can make others have positive thoughts towards us. When someone comes and tells me to my face all the ways that I am wrong, my heart immediately starts beating twice as fast. I remember doing quite a lot of things so that I follow the norm and don't get much criticized. So criticism isn't well accepted in society, and therefore we tend to do it less or even avoid criticizing others so that we keep our 'good' relationships.
But at the same time, thinking about it, the people who have done the best things for me are those who criticized me. People who praise me and agree with me all the time or pretend to, those who constantly butter me up aren't doing me any good. Agreeing with me all the time could potentially lead me astray when I am on the wrong track. Such people might even lead me to the dangerous territory of arrogance and make me believe I am always right even when I am wrong. That, in my opinion, is unintentional destruction that could almost be irreversible. It could be irreversible because once I start thinking I am always right, that I know what I need to know and that no one can tell me a thing, I will be less likely to accept any future criticism and make others less prone to help me. When I think I am right, I start seeing things only from my point of view, and I would be constantly be getting furious at others when they don't agree with me, and I start thinking that those who criticize me either hate me or aren't thinking straight. It goes on and on until I start telling and teaching others how to think, and I begin to consider myself as the source of all knowledge and reason. And we all know what happens at that time: I will start repelling people and no one will take me seriously, and many will giggle when I talk or simply avoid me. My brand name would be, "that irritating man who never listens." And where does it all start? Right at the beginning, when I make small mistakes, no one comes and corrects me or tells me where I have gone wrong with the intention of helping me improve in whatever I do. If I am going in the wrong direction and no one objectively makes me aware of my mistakes, then there is a problem. That problem could be that either the friends I have gathered don't really care to help me improve and have no time or energy, or I make it hard for others to criticize me by talking and acting with too much authority. Of course, showing authority sometimes is not necessarily a bad thing, but if I am always the one concluding every conversation authoritatively without trying to get other people's opinion, then I am sending a signal that says I cannot be challenged.
Instead, if with an open mind I allow others to critique my views, my actions, and I give them the option to challenge me, I can get an outsider's perspective, and this could potentially be helpful. Of course, I choose which opinion to agree with, but many times, others show me what has been under my nose but I have not managed to notice, and those are the things that could easily bring me down.
One thing we all have to accept is that we cannot always be right; we just cannot be right all the time. The second thing we have to accept is that many times, it is hard to tell when we are right or wrong, which makes it even more difficult. That is why we need people close to us to tell us whether we are on the right or the wrong direction. Many times, it is extremely hard to get a bird's eye view on our actions, on our character, and on our attitude. We need the views of those who truly care for us, to help us improve and not leave us dig our own grave. But if we are surrounded by people who constantly agree with us knowing that we are sometimes wrong, or those who just don't bother to let us know of our faults, then they are letting us dig our own graves. If we are not open for criticism, if we are not ready to be corrected when we go wrong, if we avoid being told of our faults, and if we just don't listen to other's suggestions and accept help, then we are asking the world not to disturb us and leave us alone todig our own graves.
So, contradicting the title for this article, I will conclude by asking for your criticism. I am more than happy to hear your views, disagreements, and your critical opinion of what I have been writing for almost a year. This is my 46th article, and I believe I have missed the point more than once, have upset a few people and make others say, "Wait a minute, this doesn't sound right to me." Your feedback will be extremely appreciated.

Yoseph can be reached at askyoseph@gmail.com